hidden facade

2012-02-15T03:37:00.002+08:00

Today was or shall i say yesterday? since it was past mid nite was Valentine's Day.. a day where most couple would be spending some romantic time together etc..Not that i am jealous or am i looking for a Valentine...

But all i wanna say is that i feel really tired. Tired of the fact that everything don't seems to turn out well.. its been like this since the past 1 month and i can literally feel the pressure that is building up...

While for me, as usual...cooped up alone and did not share my trouble with anyone..sometime you just dun feel like talking about it, especially so when it will make you feel more depressed when you are reminded of it.

It would be like rubbing salt on wound..yup..tats the best way to describe it...

Sometime i enjoy being alone but at times of trouble....just to sort things out myself...and i enjoy the still of night...

My fav time of the day? It would be at nightfall when everything seems more relax and peaceful....

Wonder how tomorrow will be? I really dun know about it..at one part I am looking forward to it while at another part I just hope that time will stop at this moment and not move because sometime as much as i am eager to know the future but there is one part of me that i guess can't accept the reality if things do not turn out the way i expected it to be

I guess..i just have to learn to be strong.....i'll try=p

2012-02-10T03:48:00.002+08:00

Been feeling rather tired and overwhelm lately....hope everything will be fine in the coming weeks *wishin & Hoping* so far things have been not that smooth lately....

I knows its kinda boring to read my post....lol...being that it is always about negative stuff and very seldom about good stuff....well i guess i dun really have much people to talk to and so at times when i am down and out....i talk to my blog...

This blog had been with me for many years....and had been quite a good listener..lol....anw..feeling tired now...Will update again..

Weekend is approaching....while most ppl feel hapi about it....i dun seem to feel anything at all...And Valentine's day approaching too...come to think of it....i have yet to celebrate Valentine's day before....is it really that romantic as like some ppl describe? Hmm...maybe next time I will know i guess....till then its the same living everyday in my own world...

Sad=(

2011-12-28T03:03:00.002+08:00

Been feeling rather down for the past 2 weeks and that all the delay had started to make me lose my motivation on things...I really hope that everything will go smoothly as planned as i am getting quite tired of all the delays after delays...

Sometime it is really disheartening when you have high hope on something and expected it to turn out well and all then all of a sudden everything failed and fall apart...

=(

2011-10-31T03:53:00.002+08:00

Sometime, i really wondered what I should do to make things right...it was all going well when right now, everything seems heywire....i am really feeling tired, especially for the past 1 week whereby quite a lot of stuff had happened..

And as you guess it right...so far none of it was good for this past 1 week.... and I have got to deal with all those unexpected surprises...surprises that can cause a heart attack..

It really makes me think that sometime it would be so great if I can just vanish into thin air and not have to face anything at all... Why can't i have the type of peace that people are having...why does everything have to be like a roller coaster of ups and down....

I am really tired of all these stuff

mixed feeling

2011-10-17T04:20:00.003+08:00

It's been a while since I last posted, I guess i only blog when i am feeling down or when something is bothering me. And right now it is exactly what is happening...seems like everything looks as thou it is fallin apart?

I really hope it is not the case....i been having these bad feeling for quite a while...one moment everything seems gd and well and the next moment everything seems like fallin apart...sighzzz

why can't everything be gd, stay gd and remain that way once and for all? i know i sound childish saying something like that..but i really can't help but feel this way...

About me...well I guess i am at a situation/environment whereby even though when i feel uncertain or no confidence or when I am afraid of something...i can't show it on my face....just to look strong? maybe i guess. Or is it due to situation? Yup, it is also one of the reason=)

I do admire people who can expressed their feelings and emotion freely and best of all still get accepted for doing so.....

As for me...i hope that all the dark cloud and storm will be gone soon and hopefully the rainbow will appear...

2011-08-20T04:00:00.002+08:00

Its been a long time since i last post...many things happens..some good some bad...lolz...

As for today....i guess it is bad stuff that I wanna share....this week was well..more of a nightmare to me...as well as a big disappointment.

everything that was expected to takes place did not takes place and that it turn out to be a major setback.....feeling tired, down and out....I guess I just have to wait till the time comes...

somtime in life, it seems like the more you want to rush something, the more you would have to wait for it to happen..for me I really hate waiting...esp waiting with uncertainty...*sigh*

The weekend is here, which means i have to wait till the weekend is over before I get to know it...sianzz to the max...

Been working really hard on it and expecting everything to turn out as planned and on schedule...but in the end..everything went to the drain....suddenly all my enthu is gone and all the fire in me is being put out....feel very unmotivated to the max.....

Lets hope that tomorrow will be a better day for everyone....

no head no tail post

2011-06-28T02:11:00.002+08:00

Been a long time since I last post..Guess it have been many months and the blog had grown cobweb...

Actually i guess i usually post when I am sad maybe? In fact there is something to be happy about and that this matter have been bothering me for years and finally it is over and that i am really glad about it, especially so when it was drag for so many years already

Other than that. so far everything seems heywire as usual, today was a rotten day, everything was bad i shud say..dun turn out right at all..Sigh...

Other than that,,,I guess I still feel as lost as usual

2011-02-10T02:28:00.003+08:00

Been a while since I last posted...for the past 1 month... it have been quite great and I do enjoy it..

As for the beginning of this month..well it was quite a nightmare for me...1 week before chinese new year...I actually got a bad food poisoning..so bad that I was having diarrhoea for about more than a week with at least 8 times a day.....loss some weight in the process..lolz..wat a way to loss weight..hhahaha

it was due to some food I ate in Singapore....arrgghhh..talking about irresponsible ppl whom ignore food cleanliness they really gotta be fine!!!

Other than that....well this month things dun really turn out well for me...everything was heywire..and irratic...one moment everything seems well, then the next moment everything seems crumbling down...

Right now....I guess i feel kinda alone....nobody to share..so decided to talk to my blog....*sighzzz*

Hope everything will be fine....soon

2011-01-27T02:54:00.001+08:00

Just post about something good happening in my life and well guess what?
Seem like things take a slump today..everything was fine and all today but then the unexpected happens and it always does...I just hate it when it happens.

really spoilt my day, guess I'll have a rotten birthday this year...hate it man...Hopefully tomorrow evertyhing will be all right

=)

2011-01-23T05:12:00.003+08:00

Been about a month or so since I last update my blog...so far many things have taken place and I am glad to say *For the first time* in this year...something good actually takes place..woohoo..lolz..

everything looks quite promising currently and so far so good..things have been ok..

Only bad thing? well i guess at times i do feel kinda lonely with not really much ppl to talk to..even thou I got many friends...But as to friend that I feel easy to talk to or pour out my feelings to, well I guess it is only a few...these are the friends that i really treasure=)

Done a wee bit of shopping lately..which is fun but lonely...lolz..since anyway..i am quite used to shopping alone.....got its pro and cons=)

Chinese New Year will be round the corner...guess i be doing some shopping quite soon, and will prolly in SG for a couple of days..

2010-12-14T03:24:00.002+08:00

Its been a while since I last updated my blog...these couple of weeks have been i should say torturous..

Today was suppose to be a good day in fact, but in the end, everything turn out to be a mess...everything just always gone wrong at the last moment....its just as thou god is playing a fool out of me....

Its always like that all the time, whereby everything is good and well, then when it come to the actual day all hell break loose...Honestly, I really do not look forward to tomorrow at all... my days are always in uncertainty...one moment I tot things will change for the gd, then next moment everything went wrong.

Sound exaggerated or ridiculous? Yup...in fact it is i shud say...

My life have always been a drama.....in fact if I were to narrate to other ppl what happens..no one would believe me at all..chances are ppl might think i am making stories..but it is just this ridiculous and exaggerated..as if it is a drama serial..

At moment like now, I really wish I can just vanish and disappear from this world...There is really not much I look forward to...everything seems so bleak and full of uncertainties..whichever way i tried to change things...the end result is always the same....

This year have really been a rotten year for me...nothhing good turn up at all. So far its one problem after another..and just when you thought the solution came...it turn out to be a false alarm....

*Sigh*...i guess i just have to move on and see

2010-11-27T04:57:00.002+08:00

After posting some photos in my previous post..guess now its time i'll share alil about what i am feeling right now...hmm..its another boring post coming up..

I shud say I am feeling rather disappointed and sad over some matters...especially so when it was suppose to turn out fine and well..and everything have been planned for that actual day..but before the day arrive...everything was ruin today when it was found out that the supposed good news was actually a misinterpretation by some dumb fellow..

Which ended up makes me feel like one minute I was floating happily in the sky then the next minutes I fell hard back to Earth... Ouch! thats really hurt...

aaahh..My life is really like an unpredictable roller coaster ride...makes me sick of it most of the time...right now at this point...dun really have much to look forward to...even though I try my best to look and stay positive..

As in beside trying to look and stay positive...I guess there ain't much I can really do either to change the situation, except to wait....

Waiting is the worst experience...especially when the wait is long and uncertain...in fact whenever we wait for something...it will lead us to have a feeling of emptiness and uncertainty...maybe not everyone? But thats what I felt whenever I wait for some results or something important...

*Sigh* guess its another boring lifeless weekend....

Kim Taeyeon...Cuteness

2010-11-27T04:49:00.002+08:00

Been a while since I last posted Photos...hence decided to post some photos of erm..one of my new Idol? ...LoLz...actually i still prefer BoA's song... just tat for Girl Generation/SNSD..i think TaeYeon Look Cute... kinda like the way she look...cute and beautiful in a Innocent way... So yup..below is some photos of Kim Taeyeon...

See..cute right?

2010-11-23T04:50:00.002+08:00

Been quite a while since I last post....things hasn't been really good i shud say...still in a state of uncertainty...

Sometimes too much uncertainty have cause me to really have doubt on my judgment..making me losing confident in myself....

what I see in front now? Well its like a thick mist in front..i really dunno what lies ahead....sad to admit it..but i really feel tired of all the waiting and anticipating which eventually lead to the same ol thing...

Yup..i do agree with Zean that Life still have to go on regardless of what happens....maybe this is what kept me going? As in as much as I would like to vanish into thin air or just disappear..i knew it can't happen and so this is why no matter how much I like to give up and how many setbacks i have encounter...i still try my best to stay positive and try to believe that there is still hope in everything and things might turn better=)

Well...its just that after a while...i gotta say i kinda feel tired especially so when this year kinda sucks big time...I am like going round a big circle and ended up at the same spot where i started... sometime i think the harder you try to get out of something..you find that the more you are not being able to do so.....i dunno and maybe its just me.

Its sort of like...the more you wish to forget something or someone...you find that even a slight event or conversation or object might remind you of that person or incident...

For me the harder I try to improve something or a situation...i find that the worst it became...

I really dunno what to do sometime...sit and wait is like waiting to die and doing nothing...then taking action and act, in the end i still ended up at the very same spot i started...sound comical doesn't it? *sigh* Life is just like this sometime.......

Life a Big Circle

2010-11-05T02:30:00.003+08:00

Been tired down and out...and not looking forward to anything...so fast the year will be ending soon..and it seems like everything still remain the same...and looks like i am just travelling in a big circle which ultimately bring me back to where i started..

I really dunno what i should do right now...i had done all i can...if there is god..pls enlighten me what I should do next? Or should I just sit and wait?

I am not trying to push blame on anyone..but sometime it just makes me wonder if there is any god at all? Where's god when you need him the most? I really dunno...

This world is so big and filled with so many people....but i just can't help but feel so alone...seems like the whole world turn a blind eye on me...I am Left 4 dead...

2010-10-21T03:49:00.002+08:00

Time is always making a fool out of me....why do i say that? well it always makes me feel that whenever i wish time would pass faster, it will feel so slow and when I do not have time...it always seems to go so fast..lol...guess everyone experience this too..

Anw..for me...this year have been quite trashy for me..nothing to look forward to and failure after failure...starting to lose hope...

Sometime...when i ponder thru things...it makes me feel and ask why do i actually have to go thru all these? Because of what i experience... it makes me miss out alot in life...things that normal folks do..i do not have the chance to do it....

And for me..i am like travelling is a very big circle this year...as in everything start out good and promising, then the end result still return to the same old spot....disappointment after disappointment....setback after setback....i really dunno wat to say

I guess no one can help me except myself....while me myself is currently running out of idea as to what I should do? sometime i really feel its better off being dead....whats my wish now? well I wish that I can fall asleep and not having to wake up...reality sucks and is too hard to accept...i hate the reality....

I know this sound like a coward....but no matter how strong a person is....being put in my situation... i guess they feel the same too

I often ask..What have life prepared for me? What am I created to achieve in this life? What is my purpose in life? Just passing by each day aimlessly... or am i just created here to face failure?
Becos of what happen to me..i lose my courage to tell someone how much i love her..being that i felt i am just not good enuff for her..

becos of what i face.... i decided to confined to myself..being that no one can help me other than myself...and becos of what i face...i am now feeling lose and not knowing what to do next..

As much as i try to appear strong...deep in me i am feeling very down and out.....whats left for me to do? Why is it that whenever things is near conclusion, then all hell will break lose and everything start to go heywire...

Why is it like this everytime? If there is god....i would really like to ask him why is it that my life is this way? Why can't I have a normal life? Why is it that everytime i had to face disappointment one after another? when will all this gonna end?

2010-10-21T00:45:00.002+08:00

aarrgghhh...sick of everything...been trying and trying and trying...and just when I thought everything will be ok..again there is obstacles...makes me really sick and tired of everything...when will all these nonsense end?

I am really tired and sick of everything....seems like this entire year..I am walking in a big circle which bring me back to where I first started....

2010-10-09T01:30:00.002+08:00

seems like life always been kinda harsh on me...i dunno..i just feel tat way..

It seems that whenever I like something or someone..i will never get it..while if i have something that i treasure and like, often for some reason thi s particular thing will somehow be lost and will be taken away from me....

Why is everything this way? Why can't for once, things turn out all right...why is it that often whenever i found something i like or have in possession it will be taken away from me? I sreriously duno what i had did to deserve all these..

Some people just have everything...while some folks like me..cant even hold on to something that I like..pathetic isn't it?

I know life is never fair.....but i guess at time it could be fairer in one way then the other...however for my case...right from start till now...everything is topsy turvy...one moment everything seems fine bright and sunny..then the next moment everything start crumbling down.....

I live a life whereby no matter what i do, it seems the end result is still the same and I always get back to the same spot that I had started...

makes me feel whatever I do is meaningless...and hopeless....

That my life...and it suckzzz

why can;t everything be normal? Why does it alwayss have to be full of obstacles etc....

I am sick of overcoming one obstacles after another and until now see no light or hope in life...Lying in front of me is like and endless obstacle course...

When will it end? only when my life ends? I am not trying to be emo or to attract attention etc...but sometimes...i just feel angry..sick and tired of everything...

If i were to tell people...no one listen either and much less understand...hence I dun bother to do so...besides i guess that I am stuck so deep in a hole that no one can help me..unless there are some miracle etc...

Sometime enuff is enuff...

2010-10-06T23:50:00.001+08:00

As usual, coming online to my blog to lament i guess? And as usual my life sucks to the max and as usual everything turn upside down and as usual everyting goes heywire and go the opposite as planned.

So many *As Usual* ...

Hate waiting...and right now worst of all, I had to wait until tomorrow. I know tomorrow is less than a day away, but waiting for each hour to pass by is indeed a torture..especially when what you are waiting is of extreme importance....

How I wish i got a Time Travelling Machine, whereby i can just set my time to tomorrow...spare me of all the waiting and waiting....

Feels empty now...dunno wat to do and dunno wat tomorrow outcome will be.....Is it good or Is it bad?

I really dunno...i am feeling very very tired....Mentally..esp so when despite almost trying everything...I am still stuck!! A year is going to end in a couple of months and well..I am still practically stuck at where I started..

Talking about being failure...i see one right now..typing this blog..*sianzzzz*

2010-09-14T02:30:00.002+08:00

kinda surprise I guess...tat i blog 2 days in a row...well...maybe its becos I got no one to talk to when I am down...so i'll just talk to blog..sounds pathetic? Guess so....

Things dun turn out good for me....been like this since the beginning of this year..everything seems like a mess..feel like a mess and is a mess...

You see...my life been upside down ....till the fact that I dun really know what to do....I am really lost right now...

Lost my direction in life.....I am now travelling in a car without a steering wheel....moving freely with no sense of direction and not knowing if the car might just fell off a cliff or hit a tree and just die...

Lets see...sometime it really makes me wondered why everything turn out this way? People always says God only help those who help themselves...I did just that..but so far I did not get much help...

I am like a fool, travelling in a big big circle whereby no matter how hard or how fast I ran...I still get the same result and same outcome.....no matter be it I run left or right or east or west or north...the final destination that i got to is still the same... which makes me feel like a fool...

I am beginning to get sick and tired of everything.....every days just pass with nothing to look forward to...i am like a living dead....a zombie...

2010-09-13T01:09:00.002+08:00

What would you do if everything seems falling down from the sky? Braced yourself up and stand up again after the fall?

And what if such an incident have happens many times, times after times...I am feeling rather tired right now...makes me feel like everything seems hopeless..

I hate to admit it..but it seems that whatever i do...eventually everything leads to failure...

Usually it will first started good and all..then when it was about to be concluded...everything will start to fall apart...I hate every bit if this...

Sometime I ask myself....whats there in life for me when everything I do leads to failure? Whats the point of living such a life?

IS there any purpose at all? I really do not have an answer to all my question...all I know is that I feel aimless and hopeless....

2010-09-11T03:05:00.002+08:00

Feeling kinda bang up right now..nothing seems right and at the same time nothing seems wrong too..which i shud say left me rather confused..

Things seems to be in a standstill right now...cant really says its postive nor is it really negative....as usual..I'll have to wait...waiting and waiting....

Sick of all the waiting...my life is rather upside down right now..at times thing seems heywire..just like this afternoon...my mood suddenly change from average to bad..all becus of some negative feedback from someone in the family...*sigh* Life Sucks..

Still couple of more days to go...sick of all the endless waiting...sometime i felt that the luckiest person are those resting in the grave...cant I just sleep and then never wake up?

Everything seems pointless regardless of what i do...nothing to look forward to each day...life is just like a broken record for me...playing the same tune over and over again....

Waiting

2010-09-08T00:11:00.001+08:00

Been a while since i last post..well so far so sucks..lol

honestly speaking currently if you ask me what is the feeling I hate most? Well it will gotta be waiting...I definitely hate waiting especially it is indefinite waiting and uncertainty waiting..

An hour is just like a year when you are waiting and waiting for something to takes place, worst of all waiting with a sense of uncertainty...hate it to the core

2010-08-19T00:44:00.001+08:00

Feeling hopeless, tired and dying...Sigh///

Waited for nothing..day after day..time after time....all for nothing..

aLL the wait really kill my enthusiasm...when the going get tough, the tough get going and eventually it will stop going and just sit down and die itself...

2010-08-12T03:05:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i really felt that it will be great if I can just disappear...not saying this to sound dramatic or to gain sympathy.

But rather, at times like now when it seems everything come to a standstill and there is nothing to look forward to, i really felt that it will be best that if I just can disappear from all the sadness and hopelessness in this world.

I am really tired of everything..every single thing.. everyday is like waking up waiting for morning to reach afternoon and afternoon to reach evening then evening to night. What's all these leads to? Nothing..nothing at all and I have been doing everything for nothing..

Everyday is like at one hour we felt great hearing that everything is fine and stuff, then the next hour everything just hit an all time low and the feeling is worst then being dead.

So if someone ask me what I wish for now..my wish would be that I will disappear into the thin air and never be found again... I really wanna leave all these unhappiness behind....i am sick and tired of carrying all these tots with me everyday every minute every hour....

Right now it seems that everything equates to nothing.....nothing really come true and so far except bad things happens.

I do know that Life ain't about How Hard You Hit, But Its About How Hard You Get Hit and Keep Moving Forward....but it seems that I got hit so often and so hard...i really dun have the strength nor the motivation to move forward...

I really dunno....is this spells the end of me? Why is it always like dat?

2010-08-05T01:46:00.002+08:00

Been quite long since i last post...well..as usual..which is not good=(

As much as I tell myself to stay positive..everything will be fine..tomorrow will be a better day etc.
I cant help but feel that I am just bluffing myself...so far everything dun seem well in fact..and all the waiting and waiting...tomorrow after tomorrow, it just look and feel the same...No Changes at all

I am beginning to get sick of everything, especially all these waiting and hoping..stayiing up waiting for nothing...hoping for nothing...its all for nothing..I shud say=p

I dun really know what life is all about for me...but right now, all i know is that everything seems so bleak...Sometime I woke up feeling tired with nothing to look forward to, i know this sound very pessimistic, but at times this is how i felt

As for tomorrow? I really dunno as a matter of fact...i know ppl might laugh at me but sometimes, i wish i can fell asleep and not wake up again..i dun like this reality..i know this sound like running away from problems or being a coward.

But for me, it seems that the harder i try to solve something, the bigger the problems become...Maybe shud I just sit down and do nothing and hope for everything to turn better? I really dunno, as sitting down and do nothing is as good as waiting to die..at least that's how i felt..

Life is really heywire and seeems like a mess now...everything that was planned din turn out as planned, probs seems to turn up one after another...*sigh* tired of everything

2010-07-20T00:49:00.002+08:00

Yet another boring day...*sigh* and as usual, expect stuff to turn out but end up everything goes heywire...super sianzz..

life like that i guess...cant really change the way it is i suppose.. Honestly dunno wat to say...really got nothing to look forward to sometime..

Its like day after day, night after night...all the same=) Am i the only one feeling this way?

One of my friend recently ask me about how is my erm..love life? My answer to her...well in the past 2 years its all in a mess....on and off...did quite alot of stuff which is....dun wanna elaborate further...

And as of this year..Love die on me..so yup=)

CUrrently everything is mess up i guess..like a box of new puzzle....tiring to fix and an eyesore to look at

Apart from that, certain things look so near..but yet so far....ahhhh...cant be bother about it anymore...

life

2010-07-02T01:09:00.001+08:00

No matter how positive I try to stay and how much I assure myself that everything will be all right, it seems that things always goes haywire at the final moment..why is it always have to be this way?

How come for one things cannot turn out as planned? Why is it that everything always come to square one? As much as I hate to admit, I am really quite sick and tired of all these tat have been going on..it seems endless and no matter what I do, things always seems to turn out the same..

Tell me..what should I do? For me I dun wanna blame anyone or anything for what that had happened, but at times I just wanna ask where God is when we needed him the most? Or did he exist at all?

Been hoping for something great to turn out and looking forward totat day, but what I get on the particular day is disappointment and emptiness…Why? Why Why?

From time to time, it makes me feel that life is quite meaningless, especially when we as human dun seem to have any control over it..what are we living for when we cant control our life? Living simply for the sake of being alive?

Megan Fox - definition of Cool,Chic & Sexiness

2010-06-12T18:28:00.001+08:00

random rant

2010-06-01T00:45:00.002+08:00

Been a while since i last post..oh man..quite a long time i should say=) Well...everything is so far so good..if it continue this way..i'll guess everything will be real cool..so lets just hope it remain good all the way...hahaha

Oh ya...saw the news about tat City Harvest thingy...looks like my guess have been right all the time..many years back during sec sch days..i rmb i got a group of dumb friend in sch..Yup you heard it right...I labelled them the Dumb Friend...they went to this City Harvest..be a volunteer and listen to all the bullshit and crap such joint would preach abouut..and go hey...i got enlighten..haha

They ain't got enlighten at all...they are just being brainwashed and be some free volunteer...and well.....in fact i been there once just out of curiousity and i gotta say those pastor really know how to bullshit...talking about gods and stuff... mind you I am a firm believer of God and i got full respect for god..

But those bullshit pastor... i guess all they are interested is thickening their own pockets..and well...looks like god think tat its payback them now...good for them=)

Another of such Bullshit crap Joint is New Creation...yea yea...almighty god...they just use god names to make money...Its kinda foolish listening to a preacher who look like some Rock Star or Rolling Stones...din know a Preacher can look so cool....maybe next time Monk can don some bling bling and cruise the town in bentley=) 21st century style

And I am way surprise there are so many naive ppl who got so excited listening to a Rockstar wannabe bullshitting here and there...haha....and after the session did those folks get touch by god or get enlightened? Nah...i doubt so...all the got is being brainwashed...and pocket got thinner..lolz....

Come to think of it..it ain't a bad idea afterall being a preacher or a founder of some church...as the work is just talk crap and u got fools pouring in the money...not a bad idea afterall..these Preacher folks should be nominated for some Entreprenuer Award, while those brainwashed fools gotta wake up from their enlightenment..haha

In fact...if a person is a firm believer of god, there is no need for fanciful lighting and auditorium or some Rock Star wanna be Preacher..well if one got God in their mind..even a rundown church or temple will do...

These guys who attended (majority not all), are using the name of god to go there to know girls or guys and it seem folks there pay more attention to who wearing what than God..In church/temple or any place of worship..God is the main character...and who wearing what is not important at all..But it seems everything change nowaday..ppl are more interested in wheather the person next to them is wearing a Rolex or a Casio...hahaha...Totally Defeat the purpose of going to a place of Worship...

And talking about Materialistic..nowadays both the young and old generation(Majority and not all) are pretty shallow folks....Actually i do enjoy testing or observing people..haha..call me silly..maybe i am=) Once when i was in Singapore...i was gonna meet this old friend of mine..i got a feeling tat he is quite a sleazebag...u know those who worship the rich and despise the poor..

So i test him...i ask my dad to drive a pick-up/Lorry to fetch us to his hse..immediately i notice his face changes and attitude towards me alil different..and not just him...so do his family..lolz..In My mind..i jus tell myself..look like I am really correct..he is a sleazebag afterall...

So when i was about to go home...this time i ask my dad to fetch me in our family car, a Mercedes Benz...when my dad arrive...I can see his Eye almost pop out...in msn , he is now trying to be nice again..haha..but yea...who needs such a friend.. and as usual my intuition prove me right=)

2010-04-13T01:33:00.001+08:00

Been a while since i last blog...well i gotta say so far everything is ok or at least seems ok for the moment=) Hope it remains ok..lolz..

Right now...I got butterflies in my stomach..aaahh!!..so anxious...was waiting for the outcome of something...till now..still waiting..and it is so near..so yea..feeling kinda nervous now..Excited yet afraid...

I know i sound alil crazy...as usual..lol..but yea, I'll explain everything once everything is solve yea=)

Ok..end my silly short post..take care peeps=)

2010-03-31T02:10:00.002+08:00

31st of March was suppose to be a great day if everything goes as planned....and prior to the actual day everything was well and going fine..until 2 days ago on Monday 29th of March..

Got the bad news during the afternoon , and after tat...super sianzz...everyhing just shattered and yea..maybe this is the reason why I am blogging away here..

Total disappointment, especially so when you expected everything to be well and when you look forward to a particular day and just a day or 2 before the actual day..bad news break out and spoilt everything..

feeling down right now...and definitely not in the mood for anything...

Have been waiting for so long and overcoming so many obstacles and just when i tot 31st of March would turn out well...everything just become the opposite...sianzz to the core!!!

Right now...its back to square one again..Yup!!.. tat same ol' square one..of waiting and waiting and waiting. At time i really dunno if the waiting is worth it or not..issit waiting for something fruitful or just waiting to die...

I just wish I can vanish from this world right now.....sometime i do agree that it is better off dead than living for nothing with nothing to look forward to...

I start to hate every minute of every day right now...

Wats the point of trying? when everything seems to fail... How many more failure before everything can be well again? I really dunno...

I am feeling really tired right now...emotionally and mentally tired... Feeling of helplessness and emptiness just filled my mind....i know i sound pessimistic...but tats just the way i feel right now...

Everyday i star to ask myself...wats there to look forward to? Wats there install for me? Now i know the answer...its disappointment and failure one after another....

Last week i was feeling quite positive about everything...as it seems all is well and going as planned..but just when the actual date is approaching..deep in my mind i got a feeling that something is not right..but i just dunno what is it....and I later dispel it as maybe i am just being negative due to all the bad things and that I shud stay positive since it is just my own feeling and so far I nv really heard of any bad news.

But then on Monday afternoon...the bad news break out and wat i feared really happens...when i heard it at first..i was totally discouraged and disheartened..but i kept quiet....deep in my mind....i dunno how to describe tat deep feeling of disappointment..for the whole afternoon...i did nothing but just kept quiet and sit in one corner...*sigh*

Right now...as the time passes..i ask myself again..how is tml gonna be like? As lousy as today? or is it worst than today?

2010-03-06T03:53:00.002+08:00

As usual...back to blogging when the going get tough...feeling vexed and confused at the same time..

*sigh* nothing have been finalised yet..all in all it is still back to the waiting and waiting and waiting...honestly this have been going on and on for a long time and that I am really sick and tired of it.

No matter how i said to myself not to give-up..at times i really feel like giiving up...especially so that it seems I have exhausted all means and the result is still the same...

aaahhhh...can go crazy sometime....

How is tml going to be like? Gd? or Bad? Who knows, and honestly, all i can say is that as much as I hope it will turn out great with gd news..But honestly on a second tot...i dun really give a damn about it... hell ya everything...

2010-02-23T03:15:00.002+08:00

Today was supposely be quite ok but it ended up in a mess right now...and as usual i guess even those reading my blog would feel really bored to read about it...as my post is always so negative//

I guess i onli blog when i am really depressed due to some matters in hand right now....honestly speaking..i am just so sick of everything around me....everything seems so hopeless..

trouble after trouble and problems after problems...they seems to be endless and seems to be aim at me....i really dunno why? Am i tat suay or wat?

Sianzz to the core...always seems like nothhing gd really come and that all is bad things...can i vaporise into thin air? I wish I can....

I am feeling unmotivated...negative...down and that everything seems bleak to me....

As usual...where is god when u needed him? *Sigh* din see him lending me a helping hand when i seriously needed help...hmmm....

2010-02-12T03:22:00.003+08:00

Its funny how time passes by so fast...those days when i had vivid memory of....it seems like yesterday to me...wow...times really wait for no one....except those who ride with it..

Time passes fast and well for some..while slow and terrible to others. And as for me? I felt that I am a victim of time... Time is a cursed to me...especially so when it seems not always on my side...I know some ppl might thnk that this is true becoz i do not know how to make full use of time..But well..this is not the case.

For me...i think time is always against me and I am always racing against time...i am like a person whom nose is just slight above the water...as in i seem to be living on the edge...its sort of like cheating death....day by day..i just hate it..I might sound ridiculous or even exaggerated maybe..but i am not..tats how i gone thru everything now...its hell heywire and crazy...

My life is totally upside down and inside out...one moment everything seems well and on the right track...and the next moment everything seems to crumble and i would be like one minute floating in the sky on cloud nine, while the next minute pummel hard into the ground...totally terrible.

And well well...like i say..good things don't come...but bad things always come very punctually!!! I really wonder how come it can be so darn coincidence? I just receive a stupid letter from the place i hated most..well...a perfect nightmare! So little time left...yet so many things to be done..
God are u there? If so..i really need u to lend me a helping hand....

When everything is happily awaiting new year....here i am lamenting..wat a day and wat a way to celebrate new year...wat can be more worst? Like i always said..i rather that i disappear into the thin air and never be found again...i am beginning to hate this world more and more....everything seems to be against me..

Why? Why? Why? Is it becoz i am such a nice person to bully? or am I just borned unlucky...i have been facing and solving problem after problems for all these years..why can't everything return to normal? Why is it that I always have to gone thru all these nightmare to reach a place where normal folks can reach happily without any hassle?

Why is it always have to be me that is plague with all these bullshit and nonsense...to hell with it!!!!

Last but not least...take care peeps and may all you guys and a wonderful chinese new year!!!

Random mind

2010-01-31T04:37:00.002+08:00

Days ain't tat gd today...esp so when everything seems heywire...i am getting sick everything now...everyday is like the same..wait and wait and wait...i really dunno what i am waiting for? Waiting to die?..i really dunno...my mind is feeling lost and confused now..at times i really dunno what i shud do..

What is right and what is wrong? Is there a different? Or issit that at times what's right might seem wrong and whats wrong might seem rite?

I always feel I am trap in a circle...going round and round...when everything return to the same...its like in a ferris wheel..whereby u start at the same place and ends at the same place..different is tat ferris wheel is fun...but what i am going thru ain't fun at all!!

I just hate everything...why is it that everything tat is related to me cant turn out good for once? Why is it like dat? And what have i done wrong to deserve to go thru all these nonsense? When will it ends..i just hate the dreadful waiting and waiting...its like waiting to die...

Waiting is the worst feeling in the world..at least for me...esp so when u dun know the outcome of the wait....

Uncertainty...everything is shrouded with uncertainty..i just hate tat...to hell with uncertainty...everything is so dull right now...

Life is crap...

All for nothing...

I just hate everything around...it will be best if i can sleep and dun ever have to wake up again....living in dreamland is better than reality...reality always sucks big time...

I hope i can just vanish into thin air....

I hate the feeling i had in mind now....confuse...tired mentally..unmotivated...feeling hopeless..helplessness...uncertainty...down....

Whats there for me? and when will all the nonsense end? When everything will be normal? Will tat day come? Been asking myself this for a long time...but as always i have yet to find the answer..

Time will tell me the answer? I hope so...and I hope it wun be long...Time had played a fool out of me..and time always dun seem to be on my side..its always either too long or too short...

Life is like this.....when u need time, it is always not by your side...when u dun need it..it is always plenty and slow.....

Life is a box of chocolate? like Forrest Gump? nah...to me..Life is box full of shit...yea..tats the best description of life...cuz life is shit...

Although i am not a devotee or a religious person..but for me.. i do believe in god and respect them...but sometime and for most times...i just cant help and it just makes me think...where is he when u needed him most? I dun see him lending me a hand when i fall? I just see people laughing at me when i fall.....ain't he cruel not lending his hand to a helpless person? Wats all these talks about compassion and stuff...

I know i might sound like someone finding fault at everything around me..but i am not...this is just the way it is..and i jjust say what i feel...

ok..i guess i'll end all my silly and nonsensical tots here....

Everytime

2010-01-21T02:59:00.003+08:00

=)

2010-01-21T01:29:00.000+08:00

Today was quite ok this morning and so far everything seem fine and calm…actually I guess its more of I look calm but inside me I am kinda nervous about the result of my wait…butterflies in my stomach..arrgghh..hate waiting…one part of me wanting to know the answer immediately while another part of me says that its better the answer come later, being that what if it is not something that I have expected it to be?

Mixed feeling I got I should say…now it s like the calm before the storm…I hope that tomorrow comes faster…Acually to say, if someone where to live my life for say 6 month..i can say he/she will definitely got heart attack…long story…and as promised, I will definitely tell you guys once I had solved everything…hahaha

Till now..since I suppose and is very sure that no one can really help me..so no point bringing it up…I will tell the whole story once it is solved…I think I can solve it..just need time and tons lots of euthusiasm and perserverance…

Life is a Journey..and mine is one hell of a journey…a journey where no one will wanna take…what is the ending of my journey…tats I guess time will have the answer..

Till then..take care peeps…

2010-01-18T01:25:00.002+08:00

Been quite long since i last blog...gotta say i am starting to get sick and tired of everything// It is like at the end of the day, everything amount to nothing...and nothing at all...

Makes me feel tired and totally dun feel like going on....super sianzz...all the waiting and waiting and waiting...its like endless and it is like waiting to die or waiting for the sky to fall

A while it seems like good news is on its way and everything look alright..then next moment it felt like the sky is falling apart...

Hate it....esp so when i dun really know when it will end..as it seems endless and this cycle just continue and continue...and i just cant seem to do anything about it...

Esp so when time is not on my side....i felt like someone who pass day by day without knowing or having any purpose...its like walking blindfolded..SIghzzz...

2010-01-05T03:20:00.002+08:00

Hmm..been a while since i last post..gotta say that i guess i dun really feel tat gd...maybe this is why i doing a post now?.

Everything been i shud say seemm out of control and definitely not within my expectation...in fact i feel like i am in the driver seat of a moving car without a steering wheel...maybe might sound fun and interesting to some..but definitely not to me...i just hate it

its a new year now...but seem like everything look as bleak to me as it is usually....maybe i am pessimiistic or maybe i am just a spoilsport...but it just look like tat to me..i am now starting to hate everything..

sianzzz...hope everything will be fine ...

=)

2009-12-25T04:42:00.002+08:00

Been a while since I last post on my blog..so for this couple of days have been quite well...so as usual just hope it will remain stay this way or get even better=p

It's Christmas eve now..or shall i say its Christmas Day..been a peaceful one for me this year..dun really have any large celebration etc..i'll stay home and watch DVDs until now..lolz...I'll call it a DVDs Marathon i suppose...

And just now about 5 or 10 mins ago...after watching the last DVD..i dunno why it suddenly came to my mind..and i was wondering...hmm..how Zenn was tonite...how was her Christmas Eve..wat she was doing etc....but when i look at the time..i just dismissed myself as being silly...as its soo late now..so most prolly everyone is sleeping...then suddenly..Zenn reply my sms...i was like...Wow..its so coincidence..LoLz..haha

Anw...hmm..wat about tml? Lets see..hope for the best and wish for the best..

And to all my great great friend out there...Have a Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year!!!

2009-12-14T03:19:00.002+08:00

Sianzzz....tml had to go down to that dreaded place again to hand some doc..stupid sia..total waste of time..esp so when it is pending and I can't do much as a result of it...

Hope everything will be fine tml when i go down there..totally hate it!!

As to tomorrow...frankly speaking i do not look forward to tomorrow...sometime I just hope there is no tomorrow...starting to get sick and tired of everything..

Everyday feels like the same..stagnant and i dunno how to describe...it is just not my day..totally black and white.....makes me feel like the whole world around me is moving forward while i seem to be still stuck in square one...

I really start to hate reality....Reality sucks and its always seems to be the opposite of what I wanted...or issit that i am plain unlucky?

I just hate it and I dun really look forward to anything...sometime it is best that there is no tomorrow...wats the point of going thru day by day..hours by hours..when everything is still as sucky as it is... Totally pointless!!

It is just like a vicious cycle...going over and over again....i seem so lost..after all these time i just realised that i am still so lost....its like u keep running and running..hoping to reach a particular destination and everything in front seems so real and all..but when you reach the finishing line..you just notice that you have return to the same old spot that you begin with...so it makes me feel..wats the point of it anyway? Wats the point of keep trying and hoping when at the end of the day..everything is still the same...

I just wished i can vanish immediately...totally hate everything...

okiez...update again and i really hope tml everything will be fine=)

2009-12-11T00:31:00.002+08:00

Feeling kinda lose..confused and yea down...so far everything seems stagnant and definitely dun look tat gd from what i saw..

*Sigh*...guess there is really nothing much i can do except waiting.....seemingly endless waiting..and at time..it make me feel that the waiting is all for nothing.... while at time i will be feeling all enthu and stuff..

Its like ups and down...the moment a part of me says..dun worry..everything will be good and everything will be fine...while at times everything seems so dark...

It makes me feel so drained and tired.....i am like a aimless soul floating around and not knowing where i would land...

I live by everything like a blind-folded person...not knowing what lies in front...

At times, what I saw that is front of me is like a mirage...looking beautiful and great and all..but as i get nearer and as I am about to feel it..it just make me realised that everything is nothing but mere illusion..Why do i actually have to go through all these? And when will it ever end?

I know I do sound v negative and pessimistic, but tats what i feel at times during the day.....din talk to anyone about it..as i guess most ppl would just dismiss me as being negative or silly...so in times like this..i guess the best would be to type everything out here..so at least i feel better...

So yea..shall update again...

See ya folks///

2009-12-09T15:26:00.002+08:00

Been a while since i last blog...felt tat since I got nothing much to do today, so I shall do a post now..while waiting for the air-con man to service the air-con at my house...

Guess it will takes 2 hours for them to do it...anyway...back to me...

currently nothing much recently also..feeling v bored and lost i should say..things seems topsy turvy..at moment everything seems good and all..then suddenly a couple of days later..everything seems to fall apart..

Kind tired of all these uncertainties...its really terrible..and gotta say i am mentally tired of all these stuff..sianzz

I just hate the feeling of not having control over matters and just had to sit and wait....waiting with uncertainties..

Hope everything will be fine soon...and may tml be a better day..

Sianzzz

2009-11-23T13:45:00.002+08:00

Bored Bored Bored....can say its super sianzzz...today dun seem to be really a gd day afterall.. at first everything sound great few days ago..but today..seems tat it had kinda change..

Waiting is the worst kinda feeling...especially right now when it is not something that I expected it to me...Sometime life is like a mirror...it is always opposite of wat you wanted or hope for...

Dunno how long more I had to wait right now...as time dun seem to be on my side....the waiting is uncertain while the time is tight..perfect eh?..haha...dunno i shud cry or shud laugh..

Sometime bad things happen together de..as in seldom gd things happen together...but for bad things...v coincidence de...can happen together all within the same time...super coincident or super suay..LoLz..

Waiting and waiting...tot today might be something encouraging...din noe so early already so discouraging...*sigh*..can life have a rewind button like cassette player?

While typing this post..lol..another headache come..haha..see i told u...problems come together de..lol

ok post again soon

Walking around

2009-11-21T04:09:00.002+08:00

Just finished watching some DVDs, and just now while watching..feel kinda sleepy..but dunno why how come right now after finish watching...i dun seem to feel tired at all...lol..after this post I shall try to go and sleep, as its getting real late right now..

This morning, some unexpected took place..something gd...receive some gd news this morning, which is quite rewarding....hopefully next week everything goes smoothly and as planned..

Other than tat...so far..nothing much today i guess...dunno why..i have that feeling of lose in me..tat sort of emptiness feel...

Few days ago..got nothing to do while i was in Singapore..so at night i went out alone to the beach and just stared at the stars in the sky...makes me wondered...how great it would be if I can float in the air..haha..i know it sound silly..

The next day after that..before i went back to Batam...i drop by to Changi Airport...nothing to do..just looking at the airplane there...walk around....

SO yea..nothing much...

Waiting...

2009-11-17T23:39:00.002+08:00

Guess its back to the stupid waiting game which I always encountered...wait and wait and wait and wait...

I know it sound like i am repeating myself..but honestly speaking..this is what i gone thru now..waiting...and more waiting...

at one point my mind would tell me that everything will be fine and going well as planned..While another part of my mind is saying that what if this happen and what if that happen...so many what ifs but not even a single concrete answer to my questions.

At times...i'll try to motivate myself and find stuff to do..so that time will pass faster..while at times like now..during the nite..i cant help but pondered over it...

I hope tomorrow will come faster....and i look forward to tomorrow and hope that everything will be fine..*wishing*

I hate waiting!!! the worst feeling in the world would have to be waiting...especially when it is waiting without a definitely timeline and answer , and to further worsen it...is such that you have no choice or other alternative but to wait passively.....

SO yea..end of my boring lil post...take care peepz

Nov 12

2009-11-13T02:42:00.002+08:00

Been a while since i last update my blog..growing cobweb le..lolz..

Oh ya.. is it last week or a couple of week ago..went for the dental treatment..and luckily the last treatment was not painful...thank god...glad tat my teeth look ok now and tat dark color is gone..

But I will have to go back to the dental clinic one month later to fixed a crown..*sigh*..500 dollar for a single teeth... wasted..could have use it for shopping...hahaha..but bo pian///

Hmm...so far everything is ok and fine..and i am glad tat it remain this way..onli thing not find is erm..i hurt my last finger...accidentally hit it with my 25kg dumbbell...now alil blue black..luckily i din break any bone... then on the same hand (left hand) cut my thumb accidently ..lols...so clumsy..lolz but glad tat the wound had close up now..

Other than tat..nothing much i guess...everything looks and seems ok right now...

i shall update again soon..take care peepzz

Teeth Problem

2009-11-01T04:07:00.002+08:00

These past few days alil suay....since last week i had notice a slight discoloration of one of my front teeth (top)..i tot its ok as maybe due to stain as a result of drinkin coffee etc...as i know i do not have any cavity or tooth decay, being that i took care of my teeth well..lol..so i din bother to pay much attention to it...

So comes 2 days ago..i notice that the discoloration look worst and one of my teeth got a dark color look whereby the dark spot cover about 1/2 the top part of my particular tooth..so i was planning to maybe book an appointment with the dentist...but forgot to do so...so on the next day...worst..it had a slight numb feeling which cannot go off and lasted the entire day..

With the pain the the dark color which look like tooth decay...i show it to my parent and they tot i got a tooth decay..as i loves Candies..lolz..but on my part i dun beleive it..being that there is no cavity etc...so on the next day the numbness got alil worst and turn to a slight pain, so without hesitate i went to the dentist without an appointment..

Waited for about 40 mins coms my turn..Dentist took a dunno called wat..lol..a metal thingy with a round mirror (tat can look underneath your teeth) to give a slight knock on both my upper front teeth and ask me if there is pain..i said no and that I told him the pain is only at the dark color area of my teeth..

So he took an X-ray for me..again had to wait for another 20 mins to develop the X-ray..then went in again..and he told me my Nerves in tat teeth is dead and now i require Root Canal Treatment..i ask him what causes it? He told me for mine is a special case *faint*, my body immune system attack the nerves and killed it, causing it to be dead and rot *disgusting*

The treatment is alil painful...contrary to wat is written online as painless...it involve the drilling of the affected teeth (painless) then after that they remove the affected nerves in the tooth(pain at first) and other particles inside, followed by cleaning the inside of the teeth with anti-bacterial liquid, and cover it up again..

Then next Tuesday I had to go for the second treatment...which means the dentist will open up the teeth again and do the same thing to the other nerves as each teeth have about 3 nerves..*faint*..once these treatment is done..then I have to go for Crowning..which involve making replica of the teeth and then fixed it over the affected teeth and hence it will look as good as new..

LoLz..end up for this matter i had travel to and fro to visit the dentist..*sianzz* and each root canal treatment cost about $300, I had to go for about 2 to 3 more which is about $900, then after that had to do the crowning of the teeth..which cost $600..so to say for no reason.. had to spend about $1,500 because of this stupid teeth..*faint*..i could have gone for my usual shopping spree with $1,500...

But anyway..glad that it is nothing serious and right now..my teeth do not have the dark color look as part of the damage root had been remove and once everything is done..my teeth will look as good as new....so yea

take care peeps

=)

2009-10-29T03:39:00.002+08:00

Hmm...this couple of days..nothing much..not negative and not positive...jus ok..lolz

For me well..i guesss these couple of days are rather peaceful and just hope everything will goes well as planned..then it will be great..

A couple of days ago..last week i was in Singapore at Taka to be exact to accompany my mum to buy some stuff...while i was there..saw a gal that really resemble a friend of mine...was feeling excited as its like many years since i last saw her...the back of the gal as well as they way she dress...do resembled my friend..T-shirt & Jeans.. but when i tap on her shoulder..she was rather shocked and turn out it was someone else...lolz..so yea..alil embarassin i shud say..but nvm..lolz..

As for now..nothing much and its kinda late..so i guess its bedtime..

take care peeps and gd nitez

Desiree

2009-10-17T21:26:00.002+08:00

While chatting in msn with a friend of mine..just casual friend..happen to find out that she is feature in a magazine..so i ask her what mag it was and she told me it was VIP Magazine...at first had a hard time finding it..as went to Parco Kinokuniya..then to Taka Kinokuniya..several Sundry Shops and even to some Magazine stand..but yea..the answer is either not yet arrive or dun haf...

And while finding...some of the staff of those bookstall comment among themselves which I overhead..it goes like this *eeyeer..this sch boy..so young read Playboy magazine..sibey tiko*..LoLz... i pretend din heard..haha..in fact i din know its Playboy Magazine until these gals comment..

So yeap..manage to get a copy of the Magazine few days ago..find the picture of my friend rather beautiful...i tink she got beautiful eyes...and look cute..so yea..decide to share the pic with you...but yea..juz casual friend..nothing else..

Actually Singapore Playboy Magazine are nothing much..as in it is just a fashiion magazine like erm..FHM etc..nothing RA or Provocative..so yea..everyone and anyone can take a look at it and it ain't tiko..lolz..as in wat those gal comment about me buying it*humph* ..lol...

I bought it actually out of curiosity of how my friend look in the magazine..nothing else...actually i nv bought even 1 FHM or Maxim Magazine before...this is the 1st such magazine that i bought....

so yea..take a look at the pic below..nice?

DNR - Ice Cream

2009-10-16T01:16:00.001+08:00

DNR - Ice Cream

2009-10-16T01:15:00.000+08:00

You talk to me
You speak with me
Don't sink before you rise baby
Don't fade away

You hesitate
You seem to wait
For all the time we had
Feels like a world away

Who's to say, we'll be ok
We will make it through the night
Don't wanna wake up in this state
I just want us both to smile

Cause we're the same
And I know that we'll never change
Look I bought your favourite ice cream
I don't wanna see it melt away

If you walk out now
I don't know if we're gonna be the same
Baby just talk with me
Cause I want you to stay here with me

The memories
The things we did
I locked inside my heart
Where I know I won't forget

And now, who's to say, well be ok
We will make it through the night
Don't wanna wake up in this state
I just want us both to smile

Cause were the same
And I know that we'll never change
Look I bought your favorite ice ream
I don't want to see it melts away

If you walk out now
I don't know if we could be the same
Baby just talk with me
Cause I want you to stay here with me

I want you to stay here with me

Lost Soul

2009-10-12T03:58:00.003+08:00

Feeling rather lost now..to be honest..so many stuff unsolved..yet so little time left..

Ahhh....it will be great if time can just come to a standstill..lolz..so that I will have more time...Right now...feeling lost and lonely and dunno wat to do..How i wished if things can be as per last time...

Its human nature...i guess...only learnt to value something when you lost it...when its in our hand we took it for granted...when we lost it, only then will we realised how fortunate we were when it is around...Life...this is just how life is...

Gaining through Losing... Losing through Gaining..... in life when you gain something...you lost something and just when you lost something, you realised that you gain another something..yea..i know i sound lame here...but tats what i notice about my life at least....

Life is like what Rocky Balboa describe it to be - "Life Ain't all ' bout Sunshine and Rainbow, Life gonna hit you hard, and its not about how hard you've been hit, But its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving"......

I dun know about others..but at least that seems like how life have been treating me..getting hit...falliing down...standing up..getting hit harder again..fallin down harder....standing up higher..and getting hit again and again and again...until i lose my direction and start wondering what is life all about? Is it all about negative stuff...evolving and happening all around..and neverendingly?

Hmm....i am really glad I have this blog to talk to...and a wonderful friend to answer me...for someone my character..a person who dun talk much about my own feelings...this blog i guess is one way where i openly expressed my tots and feelings about stuff...

Also..i guess no one will really takes me seriously when i said these stuff..unless my close friend...as other may just shrugged it off as me trying to gain attention from ppl.....

Wonder how my Monday will be? Full of Surprise? Full of hope? Full of Happiness? Positive? Negative? or Just another Crappy day?...Well...Lets See.......................

Take care Peepzzz

Sianzzz

2009-10-05T02:55:00.002+08:00

*Sigh*..feeling lost and lonely now..dunno wat to do..i hope things will be better tomorrow..seriously hope so...Its always like dat, just when i had just overcome a hurdle, another obstacles present itself..*sigh*...is life always like dat?

So sianzz..i hate the helpless feeeling that i am having now...i jus hope i can simply vanish into thin air...Can everything be peaceful and gd for once?

Monday i guess...will prolly be a terrible day.....before it starts, i knew that i will be looking forward for it to end...

anw..shall update again...sianzzz

Gd Nites Zenn...

Sianzz postzz

2009-10-02T16:26:00.002+08:00

Today mixture of gd and bad..gd as in i got the extra time tat i needed...yea..somehow manage to convince those people...haha...as for the bad thing..*sigh* things always when it is near the conclusion..turn out different to what i expect it to be..

Super sianzzzzz...*sigh* lost all enthu le...feeling so drain now..like no energy at all....can like sleep for hours and yet feel tired...dunno wat to do also..

After this post i shall go and change song..lolz..and yea..

what haf u been doing Zenn? Ur facebook sound weird weird leh..*Disoriented mentally*..You got head concussion ar? wait dun become gong gong leh and *Lose all the sign*..sigh eye sight become bad ? careful when walking yea..dun bang wall..lolz...juz kidding

U ok mah? tink u not ok....can tell..cuz we belong to the same group..i call it GEC.. stands for
G = your name E is Emo C is Club...so yea G Emo Club..you founder and co-founder..

Anw ..take care yea..althou i erm..dun feel tat gd..but yea.. i still hope you are as hapi as the person i knew at first...

see ya

Nervousss X10000

2009-10-01T03:44:00.000+08:00

Feeling alil nervous now...sleepy yet cant get to sleep..arrgghh...hate this type of waiting in anticipation thingy...i hope everything is fine tml and i can get what i hope for...*wishing and praying*

I really needed tat extra time...hope evrything is going well tml..feeling nervous and alil afraid..wat if cannot get? *crazy liao* must stay postive!!! *fingers crossed* Hope everything goes well....

haha..i keep repeating myself...but honestlly..yea...i feel kinda nervous...not convenient to say wat i gonna do tml..but yea Zenn..i let u know when i see u online..haha

ok peeps..take care and bb *Wish myself luck* i really do need lots of them!!

=)

2009-09-30T03:08:00.002+08:00

Hmm....today is a mixed of gd and bad...bad as in erm..the doc not around...gd as in luckily i manage to secure an appointment at thurs..which means fingers crossed i hope evrything goes smoothly for this Thursday and I can get tat extra 2 to 3 month which i really need..shall not reveal much here as erm..not really suitable...but yea Zenn!! i will let u know if i saw u online=)

Till then..I shall update again this Thursday....

Take care peeps

Nervousssssssss

2009-09-29T03:30:00.002+08:00

Aahhhh...feeelin really nervous right now...i really dunno wat to do..i hope everything will go well tml and I really hope i can be given that extra 2 month, which i really really really need...

I am feeling anxious right now...until i start to haf a lil gastric upset....i really wondered if i can fall asleep tonight....i really hope i sound convincing tml and pray hard that they buy my story...gif me tat much needed 2 month pls? *Wishing & Hoping*

I shall update again tml regarding the outcome while i try to get myself to sleep now...

Till then wish myself luck!!!...LoL

take care peeps

=(

2009-09-26T03:16:00.001+08:00

Sad and Depressed...bored and definitely tired of everything....

Random tot about love & workout

2009-09-24T03:42:00.004+08:00

Everytime u watch a romantic flick...you cant help but feels that falling in love is great..the feeling you get...and everything related to it...its just sound great..

But well..like i said..its only in the movie...in real life..it ain't that great afterall...in real life its more of a complete opposite...in most case..

In the past..i used to feel that if both person cannot be a couple, then at least they can be gd friend or close friend..or maybe as close as like a brother and a sister..and until now i still feel tat way..

But sad to say..in most cases...it dun turn out this way..esp with gals...i dun know why.. maybe due to erm..gals are just being built differently as guys? i dunno...

So to say to those who maybe happen to chance upon my cobweb covered blog...before you make up your mind and decided to tell a gal the 3 words *I Love u* ..maybe u shud ask yourself....can you afford to lose this gal? The losing i meant is completely losing a friend..not as in losing a lover..

I have come to know so far that when you tell a gal, *I Love You*..usually there is 2 result you get... either she feels the same about it and of course in this case, you have nothing to worry about...or in another scenario would be she will completely ignore you..or if not she will start to distance from you....being that the particular gal wud felt that you get near to her or the care you shown her is not selfless....but rather with an agenda/motive u might call it...

So to say she felt that your action carried a hidden motive....so to those out there...ask yourself..can you afford to lose her completely? if so...u may try the 3 golden word...if not..it is always best to have a close friend to share your joy and sorrow...rather than losing her just becoz of tat 3 words...

Hmm..now back to me...for me...i am just too tired to focus on tat 3 words..becoz i guess these 3 words had lose it significant in me...I used to be a person who believe that LOVE is something sacred..something special and something unique..

But right now..i just cant help but at times felt tat LOVE to put it plainly is just based on money..looks..body and the way you speaks..

U see..i am sad to say but..gals nowadays enjoy listening to lies...gals seems to prefer smooth-talking guys rather than honest guys..which is why Caucasian is more in demand, becoz they are the greatest Liar..lolz.. As to looks, which gals can usually resist a handsome looking guy? Give u a scenario, if both guy approach a gal..(assuming both are equally loving and faithful), but one is handsome, while another look like Sh**..which one would the gal choose? definitely without doubt the handsome one..so who says look ain't everything? In fact it is part of the package..

Now regarding money...if u cruise round town in a pick-up..no one will notice u and most gals woulld definitely stay 10 feet from you and run as fast as they can if u offer them a lift..But if ur ride is a Ferrari/Maserati/Porsche etc...Gals cant wait to climb into your car..and chances are...even if your ferraris got 10 seats..its not enough...

As to body..well i tink those six pecs..biceps/triceps works..haha...i hate to admit it..but as much as gals says guy are superficial...gals are just the same...i can be an example..not to say i am sexy or perfect..which i admit I am not anywhere near it...But from a personal experience point of view...last time when i was this skinny guy..nobody really notice me..and i got gals telling me tat i am short..small etc and stuff like tat...

But after 4 months of workout and with some newfound muscle...i start to hear gals telling me tat they tink i look kinda sexy...whenever i walk in Orchard with those tight T-shirt..i notice gals turn and took a few extra glance..which i nv had when i was this skinny guy last time...Althou it feels gd when my old friend compliment me...but i was like...hey i am still the same ol'Derrick you guys know...its only appearance!!...i got ppl telling me that i look strong and energetic physically...juz based on my look..but little did they knew..i am not strong at all..i still fall sick like i used to be...i feel tired most time..due to exercising..and little did they knew tat those muscle are the work of Protein shake, Creatine...Testosterone booster and hours of weight lifting etc etc..u name it..i took it (except steriod) I am like a big walking Vitamin pills...I took like 4 different type of supplement each days..consist of like 8 pills..and some give u stomach ache..all becoz of vanity..i start to feel stupid myself...paying hundred of dollar to suffer...and at the same time controlling wat i eat...i feel hungry most times..but i din eat...cuz i dun wanna look fat..

I really dunno...one part of me feel that its kinda stupid to do all these..another part of me says tat hey....i wanna look perfect..show to those guy who used to laugh and say u are small and weak...prove to those gal who rejected u last time that they miss out a great guy....i know it sound stupid..But workout can be addictive..as soon as u got six pec..u want eight pec..and if u have it..u want bigger bicep...more definition...and so one...whenever i took a break..i feel guilty..asking myself..am i skiving from my workout? While if u continue working out..u know ur body cant take tat much damage..so yea..i know it sound silly..

So ok..i shall end the workout part...back to the LOVE part..lol...from what i see now..sad to say i start to lose tat sacred tot i haf of love and tat greatness..LOVE i feel is somewhat superficial now...and its nothing but just money looks and all the talking...u haf the 3..u can practically have any gal in the planet..i guess this is the reality in life....

tired.....

2009-08-07T04:02:00.000+08:00

Bored Bored Bored...and on top of tat..i am quite sick of everything that had happened lately...

Why cant it be for once..things turn out all right? Why does it always have to be this way...as in everything seems ok and fine in the beginning then suddenly when I am near the ending..everything turn out completely opposite of what i had expected it to be...I am just sick of everything..

Lets hope all this nonsense will end real soon...

Sianzz

2009-08-07T01:56:00.002+08:00

I really dunno wat to say...at loss of word now...everything is really in a mess..all mess up...total mess...i really dunno wat to do to save myself from this mess...Oh my..time is running out and on top of that..there is still no concrete answer...much less a solution....Total Chaoz...

Wat can i do? And the almighty up there? If you are around...i really appreciate if you can show me the way..or are u actually there? ..hmm...i really dunno...

I am now travelling in a dark cave with no light...yea..i guess this is the best description of what i am in now...you see in this dark cave where i am in...it will be complete darkness and you'll dun know wat the next path may lead you too...lucky u will travel to the path of light...if unlucky you might fall even deeper into darkness..

Sometime i really hope i can just vanish into thin air....

Crappy day

2009-08-06T01:42:00.002+08:00

Have something really gone wrong somewhere? Sometime i just can't believe that 10 out of 10 times everything seem to goes wrong when the end of the journey or end result is near....its like u are travelling on a straight road and feeling great about it being that the road is straight and smooth and peaceful and stuff...then all of a sudden..just when u are about to reach your destination.....Suddenly in the front there is a huge hole in the road and 10 out of 10 time...u just fall straight in...

And the worst thing is, after u climb out of the hole you fell into..there u go...feeling all enthu again with the never say die attitude and you tell yourself..dun worry..life ain't always tat bad..and so you continue your journey again...and there you go!! Near the end of the journey, yet another bigger hole and yup..fell in again...so its like a vicious cycle..failure after failure...disappointment after disappointment...it seems never ending....Sometime i cant help but it makes me feel like god is looking at me above and trying to make a fool out of me....I know its not true..but at times..tis is wat runs in my mind.

It just makes me wonder...wat went wrong? I had not left a single stone unturn..and have done all i can do...but it seems the result is always the same!! Always Negative and never once gd or positive!!

I stand up..fell down again..stand up..fell down again...stand up..fell again...and again and again..really makes me wonder if i should stand up again...since i am so used to fallin down...

Disappointment after disappointment..failure after one another...each time waiting and waiting..which ended up waited for Nothing....

At time you feel like you are on the top of the world...on cloud nine...then suddenly just when your target is so near to you...everything seems to fall apart...and u suddenly plummeted to the harsh ground...

Then have to start all over again from scratch...right from zero...dunno wat to say...i feel really tired mentally....went online to msn...but dun haf the mood to chat....

What should i do? Stay put..standstill and wait to die? as in hokkien they call it *Tan Si*....

I'm now seem to be a lost soul...aimless..seem hopeless..and dun know wat to do...Jus wait? Wat to wait for? And if i dun wanna wait..wat should i do? aarrgghhhh!!! All these stupid stuff juz kept running thru my mind..

What will tml be? Another unproductive..wasted day? Or would it be tat usual day of endless hassle and bad news?

And wat can be better? While i was typing this post, the bad news just come knocking by..shud i be hapi or wat? Woohoo!! I am super suay !! Wat will be next? Death? any more worst? Just come on...I mean why the bad news keep coming one by one? Just hit me all at one shot..who knows i can straight away die from it and end all this nonsense once and for all....

Wat a day..not even daylight..already it so crappy....i really dun look forward to tomorrow man....If the beginning of tomorrow is so negative...wats there to look forward to in a mere 5 or 6 hours before daylight?

Yeah..i know i sound so negative and pessimist..but tats the truth..things are just tat negative..wat can i say? Crappy day filled with crappy news from crappy people...

Sianzzz

2009-08-05T19:01:00.000+08:00

A dull day....boring and unproductive...and definitely a waste of time waiting for nothing...guess its tomorrow or Friday...Sianzzz..

I really hate such stupid waiting....waited for nothing and a complete and total waste of time...

PLus those anxious feeling when u wait for something...arrgghh...dunno how to describe...can really drive u into a Heart Attack.....i hate such suspense.

Total Siansation!!!!

Butterflies

2009-08-05T02:32:00.002+08:00

My oh My...butterflies in my stomach right now...and man am i feeling really nervous and anxious..waiting for something to takes place...

I really hope all will be well...May everything turn out all right for once...this is my only hope i guess=)

But yea..its still so long till tomorrow..and right now its onli 2.33am Singapore time...its like there is still 10 hours to go...super sianzz!!! I really hate waiting....esp when it comes to serious and important matters...such waiting really can die sia..

What will be the result tml? Will it be gd? or will it be bad? I am alil scared actually...aaahhh!!!

So far it been slightly delayed for 2 days...hope tat by the 3rd day...which is tomorrow there will be good result...if everything goes smoothly and well....then from there once and for all...everything will be solved...and voila!!....it will be a 360 degree transformation...

But till then i'll keep everything wrap up first and will definiely let u know once everything is ok..

till then..see ya and cheers!!!

BoA - Beat of Angel

2009-07-28T17:30:00.002+08:00

Above: Ella of S.H.E who was wearing the same outfit as BoA below..actually i am quite a fan of S.H.E..but i tink Ella is quite a turnoff..Tomboy...ugly sia..lolz..i noe i am bad..haha..but i am sure most guy will not like boyish girls...similarly i am sure gals wud also dun like to haf sissy/feminine boyfriend..haha...And actually i always feel tat BoA look sexy..as in she exude tat feelings...While Ella...Yucks!..LoLz

Above: See..same outfit..different wearer..different effect..One Exude Sexiness (BoA), while the other look like a Drag Queen (Ella)

(Above) An Ads for Missha..Korean Cosmetic label..an old ads i suppose as Missha had changed its spokesperson...but nonetheless.. BoA look sexy whithout having to be revealing...so yea..Sexy withou being sleazy=p

(Above) Boa Again...yea i know i am BoA crazy...lolz

Random Quote

2009-07-27T03:10:00.002+08:00

Below are some Random Quote that I have found ...take a look yea

If someone you love hurts you cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours.

No one can promise they’ll never hurt you, because at one time or another they will. The real promise is if the time you spent together will be worth the pain in the end.

You can't ever let go of all the feelings, But you need to let go of him.

We laughed until we had to cry, we loved right down to our last goodbye, but over the years we'll smile and recall for just one moment we had it all.

If you find yourself in love with a person who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.

Someone should sue Disney for planting the ideas in little kids heads that every girl has a prince and everything ends up happily ever after.

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. (Joseph Campbell)

"My biggest advice for anyone dealing with the heartbreak of an unwanted breakup is to look very carefully at the person who broke up with you and look very carefully at yourself. If you are radically honest, you will see a myriad of ways that you asked for the breakup to happen as well as the ways that you deserve something better in relation to an other" ~Moongirl

Do not take another's bad opinion of you as the truth. Nothing others think or say about you is about you, but rather a reflection of their own reality.

Every happy couple has at least one breakup behind them

A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it.

No boy is worth your TEARS, and the one who IS, will NEVER make you CRY

The spaces between your fingers were created so someone else’s could fill them.. And after a break-up we realize that that persons didn’t fit the way it was supposed too..

“Breaking up is a natural evolution when you try to figure out what you want in life.”
~Usher

Peace of mind can only come when we change what we think . . . when we get to the end of the week and mark it even

. . . when we get to the end of the day and balance the books with our friends and family

. . . when we realize that give and take sometimes means giving more and taking less.

Don’t rob yourself of tomorrow’s joys by dwelling on today’s pain.

It’s hard to believe that tomorrow will be better when yesterday’s tomorrow wasn’t better. When pain lasts so long it’s hard to believe that any tomorrow will be better. But it will.

Sick

2009-07-21T02:06:00.002+08:00

Feeling unwell now..as i am now recovering from tat dreaded Flu tat i haf gotten...it is just terrible..fever..running nose...diarhhoea everything...i suddenly felt so weak...Body temperature had been heywire with me feeling hot at one moment and cold at the other..

I dunno wat to say..i just feel really terrible...tats all..

While personally regarding the stuff tat is runnin in my head....i felt lost....really lost....aimless
Am i here in this world for nothing? Everything comes to a standstill now.... things seem so hopeless tat i really dunno wat to do...

I am nothing but like a living dead..passing day by day with nothing to look forward to and with my added *Flu*..arrgghh..juz terrible!!

I had been couging everyday...seems as though i be coughing my lungs out...terrible!!

Till then...okiex..i shall end here..no mood to type further also...

take care peepz

Total mess

2009-07-11T04:15:00.002+08:00

Bored as hell and as usual..i've been living on the edge..getting sick of it but yea..guess i got no choice..one day it ain't solve..there ain't any peace of mind for me..well it sort of a mental torture..waking up everyday..knowing tat there is something on your mind that you need to get it done..but at the same time..dun really have a solution to solve it..

But once in a while each day..this matter will pop up right into your face...like a cry for attention..and u got no choice but to delay it day by day...as solving it ain't easy at all and currently i ran out of idea...

Feeling real tired of all these stuff...its killin me and sapping my life bit by bit..i am feeling tat i am consume by all these nonsense bit by bit everyday...i can feel tired..go to sleep..wake up and feeling all tired again.. is tat depression?

And regarding my personal life? one word *totally wrecked*..for once i dun trust relationship and i am scared of having one...i just feel tat i am not ready....i apologise to a couple of gals becoz and frankly speaking i am sorry for all tat i have cause...i juz dun make gd bf...i admit...sorry about it....

Everything is a mess....i' am a mess and so do all the things tat is about me...

Random

2009-06-27T03:49:00.002+08:00

Feeling kinda bored right now..all of a sudden, I feel so lonely...seem that i am left alone and suddenly i feel invisible, as in all my friends seems to be busy in their own world..lolz..but actually i do enjoy being alone...It's actually a two edge sword...

Right now....my mind is in a twirl...scared on one hand and excited on the other...i just hope that everything can be settled soon and quick..feeling really tired about it..

I guess if everything is ok, maybe i shall indulge in some retail therapy maybe in another week or two.....been some time since my last crazy shopping spree...hahaha=p

How's tomorrow gonna be? Well i dunno...lolz...maybe a mixture of good and bad i guess? Everyday is so damn random man..awhile its gd while the next moment its bad...

So yea...end here

Dunno wat 2 do

2009-06-24T03:57:00.001+08:00

Nothing seems all right and everything seems to be in a mess...Just what have I gotten myself into? I am really tired..tired of everything..no matter how hard I try..everything seems to fail and nothing turn out positive...

Tired Tired Tired....at times i really feel like giving up...I seem to start every day without much motivation and enthu..everything suddenly seem so dull and hopeless..

I am beginning to lose my sense of direction and hope in life,,esp so when things seems so hopeless..

It's crazy and its out of control..days seem numbered and ending seems near....there is nothing tat i can do about it except waiting for unexpected things to happens..Now for once..i felt so helpless..its like my hand and feet all tied up

End is Near

2009-06-13T02:47:00.003+08:00

What should i say? life have really beaten me to the ground..and as much as i would like to stand up and move forward, it seems that there is no strength left in me to keep me going..

Will i ever win this fight? Can i Stand up again? I really dunno...i admit that i dun like losing..but at times...it seems tat it is unavoidable...am i destined to failure? I cant help but feel this way...why does everything had to turn out this way...

It seems tat i am a failure in life...personally as well as in relationship....am i the personification of a failure? maybe i am...

Everything seems so out of control...everything start to look so bleak and i cant help be feel helpless and hopeless...

Doom is looming and not much time is left.....i know this sound ridiculous..but right now this is how i feel and i cant help it but feel this way....I am now in a helpless state of mind...how i wished i can just vanish into thin air...

I feel like a ton of weight is on my shoulder pressing me to the ground.....On the other hand, i see myself as the world strongest weightlifter... while many ppl would have resort to dying or committing suicide...althou i felt quite helpless now and have every reason to die..haha..but nevertheless...such cowardly act of suicide had never crossed my mind...

To me...i will still persevered to the last moment and even to my last breathe..dying is not an option and failure is not tolerated....

But at this time..will i be able to a succeed? I dunno...maybe god had the answer to my question..

Next time when i had overcome all this stupid obstacles which i faced...I will explained clearly to you guys what actually took place..lolz..as i am sure my post is a bit weird and prolly no one knows wat i am talking about here...except myself..haha..

alright..till then...tata and gd nitez

Random

2009-06-10T00:47:00.002+08:00

What should i say? well.. i am officially out of idea and that for all i have done, it seems that everything had gone down the drain.

What a way to end everything? haha...and way to go..Started everything from scratch and now it had turn to nothing...so yup..back to square one now=)

In life its Not How Hard You Hit, but rather, it about How Hard You Can Get Hit And Move Forward=)

I really like this phrase..But yeah...well right now i am badly hit and is in a bad shape, i really doubt if i can have the energy to move forward once more..sometime..i am starting to get sick of everything, esp so when things turn out like this....I really dunno wat to say, much less on what to do..

I am not someone who would push blame on others, juz so i feel better myself..nah..this is work of losers and althou i ain't successful in any ways..but nv will i be a loser...But at times when ppl speaks to me about god..it always makes me wondered.. Where is God when you needed him/her?

I really dunno...in this world we live in, it seems that we are the master of our own world and that like it or not, we are left alone to fend for ourself=) life is cruel and its definitely not fair=p
I had seen and read article of ppl killing themself as in committing suicide when things ain't right.

Do I symphatise with such pathetic people? This answer is no, ppl who seek dying as a solutions are losers who dun deserve to live in the first place...

If someone were to die simply becos of some stupid problems/ obstacles? I think frankly speaking I would have died a thousand times... I dared to say that nobody face challenges as tough as mine. The only one thing till today that i am proud of myself is that i am still standing tall despite of all the pressure and problems tat i am facing....yea i know that the causes of all most problems is nobody but men himself..

But for me, never will i be satisfied with a life of mediocrity, that kind of life is for lowlife loser and it ain't me.. Never will i succumb to fate... and never will i give up on pursuing wat i want in life... I know it's not easy and that i might not be able to achieve what i want.

But nevertheless, i will never accept the idea of losing, i had promise myself right from the start that i shall be the most successful among everybody, i shall be the one who stand up above the rest and I shall be that someone who make headline. I once heard my teacher telling me that ppls in RI or RGS are the one who make headline while folks like me is only fit to read headline..

I gonna prove it wrong....the world is round, and i know i wun lose forever..althou so far all my planning had gone down the drains, but i am quite proud to say that till this day, the word *LOSE & Fail* is NEVER in my vocabulary=) These are 2 word that i wll nv learnt to write=)

ANd to be honest if life wanna hit back at me, jolly well give me your best shot, becos if u ain't gonna kill me, then when i stand up, i comming to get ya=)

tired

2009-06-03T03:22:00.002+08:00

Hmm..really dunno wat to say at times...feel tat everything is so out of control...everything seem out of hand now...cant help but feel confused ..

Will tml be better? Had been asking this question for so long...sick of it already...sigh**

Tired...feeling tired

Wat's there

2009-05-08T03:13:00.002+08:00

Wat's left of me?...I am really bored....dead bored and really got no mood for anything..*sianzzz***

Why is it that everything always turn out the opposite....i hate to admit it....but at times...i am really tired =) totally tired..

Why does it always had to end up this way? Why is it like dat? Wat is there left that I can do? Out of idea...out of wit...completely out of everything...

Wat does the beginning of the day makes me think of? Well..it would be endless and endless of unnecessary probs and stuff to do... and the end result equates to nothing...nothing productive..

Everything is seemingly out of control and unpredictable..at times everything seems peaceful & calm and going smoothly...then out of a sudden..it seems tat the sky is falling and everything seems crumbling...it like u suddenly had a hard fall from the sky..

Hmm..wat will tml be? Well..i'll leave it for time to tell me=)

All for nothing

2009-05-07T23:34:00.001+08:00

All I say..everything is in chaos right now…I am really stuck..yeap…its doomsday and I guess everything that I had done had fallen apart..which means I had officially failed what I am doing and everything is reduced to square one=)

And also to say..i gotta start and climb from the bottom all the way up again….right now..i really dunno wat to do or wat to say..unless there is some kind of miracle to turn the tide/change the situation…otherwise…everything is gone..all for nothing..

And worst of all..i had waited..and waited and for all the have been done..it amount to nothing…and yea..i had fallen again..

Are they Miracles?..if there are I hope it will take place soon..i really in need of miracle right now…especially when everything is in a mess right now..

Sometime..i feel tat everything seems rather meaningless..its not tat I wanna commit suicide etc…but at times its makes me wondered wahts there to do..when everything eventually amount to nothing but failure..

Failure after failure..setbacks after setbacks..disappointment after one another…it can’t help but makes a person wanna give up..like I say…one will suffered heart attack if they are in my shoes….

What will tml be? A day where a sudden Miracle salvage the now hopeless situation? Or a day plague d by constant and yet another failure/setback?

I really dunno…frankly speaking..i really dun look forward and I gotta say..i am afraid of tomorrow…

Can I just vanish into thin air? Or can life be like a cassette tape whereby it can be rewind? *sigh* I really dunno… all I know is tat in life there is no definite answer..no right or wrong… Thing is always not in either black or white…but rather everything is always in the grey region….no right nor wrong…

?

2009-05-07T02:15:00.002+08:00

What would you do if you have tried everything you can..do everything you can do and had used up all the idea that you have..meaning to say..you've used up alll your arsenal and that there is now nothing left...

You're now at wits end and dunno wat to do and worst of all..there is nothing you can do..

Guess this is the situation i am in now... I am now officially out of idea...out of wit..and you could say..running out of time...i hate to say it..but it seems all tat confident i had..something tat i always posseses..is now gone..i guess

I am really confused...everything seems like a mess...i am a mess...

For the past years..yeap..i had pass thru several difficult hurdle and had overcome many seemingly impossible task...but this time...i gotta admit that for once i do experience a certain extend of fears & worries..i am beginning to feel the impact that it would cause..if things failed..

Althou most prolly by tomorrow i will have a clear picture..but i am sure u guys knew tat waiting is always torturous...esp when there is like still 12 hours away..Oh Man...I juz HATE waiting...
It make me feel like i am now blind-folded while walking...as in despite you wanna progress,but on the other hand...you really dunno wat lies in front...it could be gd or worst still..you could fall into some bottomless pit...

At time..i do consider myself as a survivor...but this time...i am really unsure if i can survive this...its like this is the final round...everything that had been done all sum up to it...failure or success... to progress or to start all over again...i shall know very soon..

And "Soon" is something which i am very eager to know...yet at the same time i am afraid to know..becoz in life...at times...It's difficult to handle to truth...

Of cuz..i do hope that everything will goes as per what i had planned and wanted...*Sigh*..makes me wondered..Why do i have to go thru all these? Luckily i had a strong heart...i am sure if ppl were in my sch...they would die of heart attack... Wat an interesting life i got!!...*faint* u can say i am constantly riding on a roller-coaster which seemingly travel out of control.. yea..tats the best description of my life...haha

ok..I shall pray hard tat everything be well and turn out smoothly and as successfully as possible..

Till then..gd nitez Peeps!!

Nothing but mess

2009-05-06T19:58:00.002+08:00

*Sigh*..sad to say...until today..everything still seems to be in a mess...But i am sure by tomorrow the final outcome will be out and hopefully, till then..everything will turn out successful and as per planned...

HOpe everything is fine..i am really at loss if there is still anymore setback...

I am really tired and at loss of wit now...

till then..i shall update again soon.

Tomorrow

2009-05-05T02:15:00.003+08:00

Well..well ..well...tomorrow is yet another day of waiting..hopefully it would be a fruitful wait//

May everything turn out well and successful=) can't take any more *surprises*..will die of heart attack..hahaha

i am having a mixed feeling now...to put it simply..i am rather confused now...one part of me was teling tat well tml evreything will be fine..another part of me is saying...wat if tml actually turn out the opposite...wat would i do? frankly speaking.....i really dunno man... All i can say is..can die sia..

lolz..haha..so here i am one part of me hoping tml will come soon while another part of me hopes tat time will goes by slowly...as i gotta say..at times..reality is really hard to face and and in most time..reality is often cruel..so yea..

I am one part and optimist and another part an escapist of reality=) Mixed personality? I guess so...

Last but not least...May everything be well tml and tat i shall hope and pray for the best

Gd nitez Peeps

Phantom Contact

2009-05-03T23:39:00.003+08:00

Hmm..these days..look like there are more and more ghost in msn..yeah..i am one of those facing the ghost..as in chatting with phantom/ghost account who nv reply..welll..since they are ghost.then so be it=)

ghost shall remain as ghost...and yeah..another thing is that there are lots of bug/advertisement tools on msn..whereby some weird message will be send to me which the sender have no idea of...some of my contact on msn ask me if i send them this and this message..BUT..i din!!! and i had also received such message on my msn too...so yeah

For those Phantom contact on my msn..Hell Yea all..Yes you are right...Hell Ya Sucker!!..u see..i dun talk to wall or ghost...so if u are wall or ghost or phantom contact in my msn..well..you better remain tat way..becoz like i say..ghost remain as ghost..so be it....i cant be bothered about it..

I've got well-known modelsss(take note of the many "S") as well as beauty queen and Celeb as well as famous blogger in my contact..and so to say..i am no short of msn friend...so to those Phantom contacts..hey its your honor and pleasure tat i wanna talk to u....get tat in your thick numb skull...

I am someone whereby if u respect me..i'll respect u 10x the respect u given to me..but if u wanna play or act *high class* with me...then you'll better try harder=p..becoz i am someone who dun give a S***..

IN life..i dun believe in changing things tat cannot be change...if something cannot be changed..the best is to move on and get on with other things in life...no point pondering over it..

Life is full of other more important things...insignificant matters or people shud nv be even be allow to affect me..therefore to me...i always shove such rubbish aside....

When the times come...you'll know who i really am=)

Confused..Bored

2009-04-28T20:24:00.002+08:00

Hmm..wat can i say..I juzt simply hate waiting..

waiting..waiting..waiting and more waiting...wat can be more boring and more irritating than waiting?

Butterflies in stomach....awhile..things seems ok,then the next moment.it seems not tat ok..OMG..i am jus so confused!!..lolz..

really dunno wat to say or wat to do..but juz simply wait for the outcome..

PLease!!! for once..hope that everything turn out well...I really can take anymore suspense...

*fingers crossed * pray hard*..ok..i know i sound so random and definitely sure u guys dunno wat i am jabbering about..

But yea...rest assured that I will clarify & explain all my random post onc everything is settled yeah..

so to you guys out there..all the best to u peeps and take care!!

butterfly in stomach

2009-04-21T23:57:00.002+08:00

Been awhile since i last post...so far i am fine i shud say..and thks June for your concern..

Hmm..feeling alil nervous right now...tomorrow gotta go down and meet the stupid MO..hopefully everything is as planned and that everything will goes smoothly..

SO yeap..tml gotta wake up real early to get ready and guess i prolly be quite anxious today..haha..*pray hard* hope everything is as per planned...

And so..until tomorrow...

=(

2009-04-09T23:45:00.002+08:00

Everything goes the opposite now...i shud say..

Sometime it juz makes me wondered..why is it that things always turn out this way? Why cant it be positive? I am down..completely and thoroughly down...

I really dunno how to stand up and walk after a hard fall...esp so when i had fallen so many times..

Am i weak? how to be strong in such a circumstances? All the hardwork amounts to nothing but failure after failure..disappointment after disappointment..

I am juz out of word and dunno wat to say...

If there is god..i really need him now...

random

2009-04-06T01:41:00.002+08:00

Hmm..is totally in a state of suspense man..lolz..u know? tat type of feeling when u are waiting for your exam result...i guess u guys know wat i mean yea..

At the same time..i really hate the waiting man..yep..now its back to the waiting stage..and the final day is tomorrow..now lets see wat tml will bring..issit gd or issit bad? *tinking of tis question made me awake whole nite man..

Juz hope that everything turn out great yeah..i mean...this will be a turning point....its a 360 degree change..

If everything goes positively as planned..man!!..evrything will be incredible..which is why due to the importance of this matter...i seriously feeling nervous..haha...no joke..

For now..i shall wait and see..hopefully tomorrow everything will be awesome...

Confused......

2009-03-12T03:12:00.003+08:00

Dunno..all of a sudden..after some tots running thru my mind...it juz make me worried about some stuff and i juz dun feel good..am i being too pessimist? i guess i really dunno..

Seems like everything is still pending and i cant tell wats lurking in front...it is like i am in the midst of a fog..where everything seems unsure....

Why is it like this? Why cant all these uncertainties come to an end one and for all? Why must it be this way?... Sometime.... i really dunno wat to do..

Felt so insignificant at times...so much thing to do..yet it seems like i am the only one doing....Must jia you and buck up!! Otherwise..things will nv be done!!

Juz gotta grit my teeth and hopefully everything will goes smoothly for once=)

Time is reallly running short for me...everything is so near and there is still so much stuff to be done..

Randoooomzzz

2009-03-09T02:18:00.002+08:00

After reading one of my the blog of someone i link..and also from my personal experience...hmmm..althou i am in no position to judge someone or comment them.. BUT nevertheless, this is my blog and i tink hat it is ok to voice my opinion..

The topic that i going to talk about is BGR..actually..i find it rather stupid and dumb to commit yourself in a relationship at a young age...the boy or gal will definitely miss out alot and usually it is the gal who is at a disadvantage..being tat gal wasted a whole lot of their youth and if tat particular someone is a worthless piece of shit..OMG..tat gal would be the dumbest gal in the world...

Honestly speaking...Gals.. there are plenty of guys out there and Guys...there are also plenty of gals out there..haha..dun need to rush...

Talking about experience..i got a cousin..whom knew this guy since she is 13...wif him for the whole of sec sch...Sound Romantic? you bet!!..lolz..then after Sec sch..was wif him after Tertiary Education..so loving rite? yeah rite..lolz..then after tat all the way after Uni and they get married and live happily ever after? Yeah..you're wrong this time..

After 3 years of married and 2 child..both get divorce and are sick of each other..the guys found a much better gal and actually regret marrying..

Althou my cousin is the victim..but nevertheless...i do tink she is being dumb...why commit yourself when u are 13? its no the end of the world for christ sake..lolz..

Actually..alot of ppl nowaday knew their so call sweetheart..darlings.honeys..you name it..while they were schooling..althou it isn't a bad thing and definitely not a crime to fall in love..But isn;t it kinda stupid to sort of commit yourself to tat particular person? when u dun even know wat he can give u? maybe he is just good at saying I Love You and other than tat a complete good for nothing?..LoLz

When u guys read until this point..u might be thinking..hey..u seems like saying you are much better than the average guys? I shud say..No..i am not saying tat..i am juz expressing my views=)

I seen alot of useless guys to be honest..and the type i despise most well..its not the playboy...but rather the wat i call Giggolo Boy.. those type who have super-thick skin and will do watever they can to please the gal, esp after knowing tat the gal is rich/wealthy..
Must be wondering why these guy are so shameless? Well..actually all they look for is security, the type of security such as not having to work hard and yet can progress in life by just pleasing gal.

These are the type of guys who are typically erm not rich, usually lives in flats and are dating gals who live in private properties( u name it Semi-Ds, Condo, Bunglow etc etc)..usually i haf notice tat these thick-skin fellow cant wait to move into their ahem..richer gf hse during the weekend.. and they are super good to the gal..maybe becoz of money?..LoLz

And in return, they got..Free Accomodations and and escape from their Teeny HDBs..free paid trips during Holi's and much more freebies...even free houses when they got married and some high post working in ahem! father-in-laws company..Gd deal eh? But well..these guys sold their soul..PATHETIC!!

I know of someone like tat...and in my mind..i was like...OMG..a total disgrace to Men..wat a thing to do? Of cuz not everyone who is dating someone of a different background are like tat..so please do say tat i am bias=p hahaaahaahahaha

While another type which i despise are those who die for the sake of LOVE..Romantic? yeah it sound romantic..but tink again its total BULLSHIT..haha...gal dun want u or guy dun want u..u end ur life? Oh..how stupid...the best way is..when a gal ditch u..u say gd bye and find a much better one to show her..proving to her tat it is her lost not yours...and vice versa for a gal...Stand up and Walk Tall=) getting dump is not the end of the world. beside nowadays, when u got money...u can have any type of gals u want.. Cash is always King=) tats one of the thing tat make the type of guys (tat i mention above), so gd to the gal in the first place...with money..u can haf all the men or women u want...so folks..chill yeah...and nv tot of committing suicide when u are out of love=)

OH ya... after viewing thru some of the blog i link..i notice tat some of these so call famous bloggers are getting way boring..it seems tat they haf no life..all they do is party and party and party..smoking and drinking..u called tat meaning ful life? I called tat No Life=) To me, they are just paying money to buy Cancer with all tat drinking and smoking..and worst of all..these fools think tat they are being cool.. OMG.. how stupid can ppl get sometime..

*PS..Juz my two cent of opinion..i am not saying tat i am supersmart etc etc**

Weird tots

2009-03-02T01:54:00.002+08:00

Been like ages since i last post...pardon me...

whenever i tink of it..i juz feel weird..althou everyone have his or her own freedom..but i juz find it weird tat some ppl actually have u in their msn..pretend to be friendly and all...but when u msg them..they juz simply block u...lolz..wats the point? might as well delete this particular person since u dun wanna talk to them..rite?

Some ppl are juz like tat..wanna have a msn tat looks like they got tons of friend..so accept everyone but block them the moment they msg u...lolz..i know this sound childish...but dun u tink it is weird? And not to mention dumb..each time u msg them..straight away appear offline..so coincident? haha..such things onli appear in movies..if real life everytime so coincidenc..everyone will strike toto or 4D already..lolz=)

For me i dun mind..i am a straight forward person...so to say..i cant get along wif all this cunning and hypocrite pppl...so yup..i shall delete them and clear my msn of all these rubbish.

So to say.. life is fill with these type of ppl..some add u in msn..dunno for wat reason..each time u say hi...as if u are talking to ghost..they ignore u completely..so yup..to these ppl..off u go from my msn list too...i am someone who dun entertain nonsense and rubbish..

I mean oh please...there are lot more in life than juz msn...everyone is juz killing time there...no nid to act so grant juz becos u are some famous blogger shit...to me if u wanna be my frd..i be hapi to know u...if u dun wish to..i dun give a hoot... to me..there are other things tat is more important..besides..Money can buy me plenty of friends=) so wats so great about u stupid so call famous blogger?..lolz in this world..Cash is King...when u got money..u got EVERYTHING=)

FOr friend..i am enuff with the few gd friends tat i haf..you guys know who u are rite?.hahaha...from my pri sch frd..to tat wonderful frd of mine who started this blog...i will definitely treasure u guys=)

In life...u dun nid to haf hundred or thousands of friends...a few gd one is enuff ..besides...wats the use of having tons of friends..but when u are in trouble..none of them come to your rescue? rite...lolz..

Alright..take care peeps=)

Random Post =p

2009-02-12T03:42:00.003+08:00

Been so long since i last blog..guess cobweb is growing on my poor blog..lolz..

right now while i am typing this post..its 3.46 a.m sin time in the morning..cant sleep..dunno why also..was tinking over some stuff...

Right now..as i listen to Kenny G's Forever In Love..one of my fav pieces..makes me wondered..how would it be like to be Forever In Love?...I guess the feeling would be wonderful? Splendid? or are there a better word to describe it?..hahaha

Valentine day is round the corner..hmm..so to all the lovers out there..Wish ya folks a Early Happy Valentine Day and may everyone be Forever in Love...

Alright..back to me..haha..today was lil unlucky..was playing with one of my cat and suddenly he scratch me..end up i got 3 deep scratches on my hand..which bleed quite a bit juz now...even my palm and fingers got scratches...omg...ugly+ pain..sobz
one of the scratch line is on my wrist and it look like i had a fail attempt in committing suicide...hahahaha

but anw..guess my cat didn't mean it and well..i still love them as usuall...hahaha=)

Bored Bored Bored...nothing to do now...juz finish my supper also...of 20 sushi...all the more cant sleep..too full to sleep..

so i guess i shall sit down for a while..before i went to bed..

Hmm..anything interesting happen Lately?...let me see....well nothing much..except tat i got to know a new friend...RuMengzz....who seem to be quite a friendly gal..hahaha..i shall call her by shortform...RM..sounds like Malaysian Ringgit..oops=x..juz joking....

She brings back the memories i had of a friend of mine...so yeah...end here..post again next time..

good nitez Peeps!!!

New Picz of BoA

2009-01-29T21:22:00.002+08:00

Hmm..been long since i last post pictures of BoA...and erm..the ones below are a couple of new picz of her..look great i shud say!!..erm..at least to me..haha..cuz as usual..i am BoA CrAzY!!..lolz..oh ya..my collection of BoA picz had reach a total of 3784..so yeap..okiez..shall post again..

Sianzz

2009-01-13T02:27:00.002+08:00

Feeling real bored and down...i really dunno wat to say..seems tat i onli look for my blog whenever i am down and got no one to talk to...

When will everything really change and when will things really get in place?..lolz...arrgghh..maybe i am just being pessimistic..i dunno..

But *yawnzz* feeling tired now.. shall post again another days..

see ya

Random Update

2008-12-30T04:28:00.002+08:00

Been quite some time since i last update my blog..guess cobweb had been growing on it already..haha..

Oh ya...for me..so far so good and that well..everything had been going smoothly and that I shall pray hard that tml will be better than today and that for tomorrow everything will turn out as planned and most importantly..turn out well!!!

Hmm..spend this couple of weeks shopping..yeah...shopping spree madness..haha/// i guess i had spend abuout maybe $2k on shopping....shall stop for a while...

And yeah..these days i quite seldom come online at nite for msn..i'll spend most of my nite time..working out and watching tv..well..spending too much time on msn is quite a waste of time..so for me..i was tinking like..hmm..rather than wastting time..why not spend it on something more productive..so yeah..these past weeks..it would be shopping in the daytime & working out at nite....and it had never been better....i feel great..and i am quite surprise to say tat some of my friend tink i look much better now...compare to the skinny me last time..haha..

And i still got a goal to reach..i wanna look like John Cena..not his face..which look kinda squarish...althou i admit he dun look ugly..well..i wanna haf tat physique of his....and i am now working my way to get it..

Last but not least...Hope evrything turn out smoothly tml..*fingers crossed* *Pray hard*

ANd to one of my gd friend/sugar mummy..lolz....well i juz wanna congratulate her for winning Miss Singapore World 2008. And all the best to her in the pageant show at Hong Kong..
Well... Valentane..all the best to you!!!! Muackz..

Sweetdream Grace...

Miss Underztood

2008-12-08T05:14:00.002+08:00

Sometime...ppl are kinda weird i guess...they rather listen to other ppl/ their so called friend gossip about this particular person and make judgement out of their comment instead of looking at the matter thru their own eyes and perspective...hmm...guess there is nothing i can do about it...

U see...when a person is biased or do not have a good idea about u...even u have the best intention, it will always still be misunderstood as something bad or even with a hidden agenda...

For example...last time in my sec sch days...as i dun share the same hobbies with most of the folks in class such as playing CS or bastketball or some of those teenage rubbish stuff..end up i am always left out and ppl felt tat i am strange..while most gals would tot tat i am anti-social or even come off as someone eccentric...haha...Why?..well its becos these ppl got their group of friend and their group of friend dun really like me..as much as i dun really have such a gd impression about them too...so sad to say...alot of ppl are like Cows and Goat..u see..as in a farm whereby one cow/goat move infront.. then the rest of the herd will follow..so meaning to say..most have no brain and cant think by themselves and juz simply listen to what their friends says which is not always the ultimate truth...

Sometime in life...to know the truth..we had to follow our heart and hear what our heart hear and see what our eyes see..

BUt anw...i am glad tat so far everything is going smoothly.... till now..

Oh ya..some of my friend ask me do i enjoy being alone?..well i gotta say *Yes* & *No*..YES.. as in i dun haf to answer to anybody..which is a major plus factor for me..being tat i value freedom more than anything else and i dun like the idea of having to report to ppl every step of the way...NO as in at times..it sucks to be alone with no one totalk to and share your woes as well as your joy...its true i got siblings and stuff..but nah...idun feel comfortable talking to them..so when no one is around and i got troubles?..I'll rather talk to my blog or juz talk to myself...

Just like right now..i am alone and cant sleep and something seems to bother me..althou it is nothing important..hence i guess this is the reason why i came online and type this post to express what i feel....

Till then..take care peeps..all the best and sweetdream=)

Random

2008-12-04T01:06:00.002+08:00

Hmm..feeling really tired today..due to staying up too late...

oh ya..tat time i did mentioned bout Napfa test but din tell you guys about the result...well in fact its nothing actually...juz happens tat i am lucky and that i gotta say all my self training works..

so yup..i have got a silver grade..of 17 points.... Sit-Up: 5 Point, Chin-Up: 2 point, Sit & Reach: 2 points, Broad Jump: 2 Point, Shuttle Run: 4 Points, 2.4Km Run: 2 Points..

Actually for Shuttlerun and Sit-up..i can always do more...as for sit-up i can do 60times in one minutes..but to be honest it is of no point as in...wats the point of doing more..wasting energy and end up you failed other stations....therefore for me...my priority is to pass the Napfa test with a Silver and not to be any Hero...such Hero is no point de...no fame no fortune...only aches & Pain...so yup..definitely out of question for me...hahaha..as in no point...its not hero..its more of being stupid.

SO yeah...and for my training...when i told my friend..they always dun believe it and say that i am boosting...but anw...here goes...my normal training would be 5 sets of 20 Repetition of DUmbbell Curl, then 5 Set of Tricep curl... followed by 5 Set of 50 Repetition of Deadlift then it would be Barbell training of 5 set of 5 repetition each with a weight of 47kg..and well..tat is how i pass the Napfa Test within a Period of 2 Month Training....So yeah...

Take Care Peeps./..

Mixed Feelings

2008-12-02T22:27:00.002+08:00

Feeling a lil nervous and hope that everything will fall in place tomorrow....hope that luck will be on my side and sincerely wish that things will really turn out well..

So far the past one week had been great..so i juz hope that tml will be a great day too...i juz need that lil bit of luck to help me pull thru..

May tml be as per what i expected..i will do my best an hope that god will do the rest=)

I still got many things to do and i do need tat extra bit of time..it may not be a long duration for most poeple..but for me..its like everything...as these period of time will enable me to continue what i am doing right now...

Hence...tml is everything and lets hope that it will turn out well for me...i really doubt that i can sleep tonight..lolz..but i'll try to nevertheless...

Till then..i shall update again...

Sad

2008-11-21T03:37:00.001+08:00

Today is a mixed of good news and bad news....*sigh* well the good news is seems like the probs i faced yesterday had already been solved..so yay!! While the bad news is..there is another matter that sort of bother me...it has been in my mind for a long time and that gotta try my best to solve it..

So yeah...tats all for today i guess...no mood to type too...

Stuck in the middle

2008-11-20T02:34:00.000+08:00

Arrgghhh!!..hell!!..i juz simply hate it!! its always like tat sometime..whenever things gonna conclude and it is juz one step away...something stupid will suddenly turn up and it will like put everything on a standstill...

I juz hate this!! i hope it can be solved as soon as possible...yeah..i guess tml i will have the answer and hopefully what i got tml will be good news as i am really sick of all the negative stuff...got too much of it already...

Besides i haf really work very hard on this matter and hope that it will be concluded as planned///
*pray hard* hmm..look like i am talking to myself and sound alil ridiculous..haha..anw..i shall explained myself clearly next time..i'll promised..

Today..beginning was quite good...then juz at about 9pm..got this stupid news and now gotta wait till tml to see how..hopefully everything turn out fine=)

till then..take care ppl

Freakish Arms

2008-11-17T02:30:00.003+08:00

Lee Priest definitely haf a set of killer arms..aww..i want arms like tat!!! it look freaking cool..don't u guys tink so? i told some of my friend and they told me tat such arms look disgusting as it is kinda too huge and out of proportion..but then..i juz tink the look great...haha..

FOr the Pic of Lee wif a T-shirt...tat is how his arm look like during off-competition period...while the ripped looking arms are usually during contest time...

Alright...end here

=(

2008-11-13T03:37:00.003+08:00

Hmm...not feeling well rite now....feels kinda tired and down..so ya..

nothing much and i cant help but haf a feeling of helplessness....

For once...i juz hate it when such feelings is back to me again..

Shall post again next time..

see ya guys

Fri

2008-11-08T04:55:00.003+08:00

Not been blogging for some time already...but yeah// gotta say tat i am feeling great right now..everything seems to turn out as planned and ya..so far so gd!!

Its..5.11 am now...cant seem to sleep...and still in msn chatting...while watching tv programme...

How will tml be? well..i guess its definitely better than today!!..hahaha..

Dunno wat to talk about..so i'll guess i shall post again soon. i promised..

till then..take care..

hidden facade

Sad=(

=(

mixed feeling

no head no tail post

=)

Kim Taeyeon...Cuteness

Life a Big Circle

Waiting

life

Megan Fox - definition of Cool,Chic & Sexiness

random rant

Random mind

Everytime

=)

=)

Sianzzz

Walking around

Waiting...

Nov 12

Teeth Problem

=)

Desiree

DNR - Ice Cream

DNR - Ice Cream

Lost Soul

Sianzzz

Sianzz postzz

Nervousss X10000

=)

Nervousssssssss

=(

Random tot about love & workout

tired.....

Sianzz

Crappy day

Sianzzz

Butterflies

BoA - Beat of Angel

Random Quote

Sick

Total mess

Random

Dunno wat 2 do

End is Near

Random

tired

Wat's there

All for nothing

*?*

Nothing but mess

Tomorrow

Phantom Contact

Confused..Bored

butterfly in stomach

=(

random

Confused......

Randoooomzzz

Weird tots

Random Post =p

New Picz of BoA

Sianzz

Random Update

Miss Underztood

Random

Mixed Feelings

Sad

Stuck in the middle

Freakish Arms

=(

Fri

?